I'm The Girl Without...

I'm not sure which part makes all of this so difficult. Maybe it's because so few people around me can relate. Maybe it's because my life will never be the same. For whatever the reason, I know I'm the girl without a mom and I know that it makes me different. 

I’m the girl who doesn’t have someone to tell them what to wear for that special occasion.

I’m the girl who doesn’t have that person to go to for relationship and break up advice.

I’m the girl who doesn’t have someone to spend Holidays with.

I’m the girl who doesn’t have someone to tell them what shoes to wear with that dress.

I’m the girl who doesn’t have that person to go shopping with.

I’m the girl who doesn’t have that person to get the best advice from.

I’m the girl who doesn’t have that person to tell about their exciting day.

I’m the girl who doesn’t have that person to go to on their really bad days.

I’m the girl who won’t have that person to go wedding dress shopping with.

I’m the girl who won’t have that person to get parenting advice from.

I’m the girl who won’t have that person to get advice on how to be a wife from.

I’m the girl who gets quiet when everyone is talking about their mom’s.

I’m the girl who is lost in so many things without my mom.

I’m the girl without my best friend.

I’m the girl in the corner when everybody else is having fun

But I'm also the girl that's strong.

I'm also the girl that's silent.

I'm also the girl that's been through alot and still trying to put a smile on my face.

I'm the brave girl without a mom. This is who I am. 

Missing you comes in waves for me

They say time heals all.. I’m still trying to figure out what exactly that means. Does that mean as time goes on we actually move on and get better? Or does it mean that as time goes on we begin to replace the memories with new memories and place a Band-Aid over the pain that we have been through?


Most of the time I like to think I’m doing pretty well It starts to seem like I am moving on and getting better. Sometimes I actually think I may have reached a point finding happiness.

And then there are those nights where everything comes crashing down. Those nights that actually feel like nothing in the world could make things better and it may never actually be possible to happily live without you.

Those nights make it seem like no progress has been made. They have a way of bringing you right back to the moment your heart got shattered into a million pieces. They have a way of breaking you down to feelings of anger, sadness, and regret.

They leave you gasping for air crying, wondering how on earth you are going to live the rest of your life without the person you love so deeply. They leave you wondering how it’s actually possible that you can still have so much love for someone who is no longer on earth.

They leave you questioning everything about yourself and your life and what you are doing. They leave you wondering where you went wrong and what you did to deserve such pain. They leave you angry

But they are part of the process. With all grief,  comes bad days. With losing someone you love, it is important to remember you won’t heal over night. It is important to remember that it is a long process.

It is important to remember that every set back leaves you closer and closer to healing back to your old self. It is important to remember that a setback doesn’t mean you are weak. If anything, it shows how strong you really are.

You endured horrible pain. You got broken. And you are still surviving.

What It Feels Like To Be Motherless On Mother's Day

I think we can all agree that this is a feeling nobody could understand unless they have  went through it first hand, themselves.

It’s a feeling I could never try to explain to someone who still has a  His/Her mother. Its feeling I can’t put into words most of the time. Realistically, it's the worst feeling in the world that never seems to get easier as time goes by.

It’s the pit in your stomach walking into Wal-Mart or the grocery store  leading up to this day and knowing you are going to be bombarded with a display in front of your face reminding you that you don’t have a mother to share this day with. that you are going to burst into tears just going  past the cards 

It’s the emptiness you feel when you hear your friends, family, and co-workers  and everybody around you  talk about their mother’s day plans or what they got their mothers. Another reminder that you don’t have your mom to spend this day with.

It means having to go to the grave yard just to see your mom and  then it hits you like a ton of bricks  your mother wont be with you for Sunday dinner she won't  be sitting  back in church seeing you sing she won't get to see her own mother on Mothers day.

It’s the deep sadness you will experience when you know when  you log on any form of social media on Mother’s Day. Collages, pictures and kind words everybody is posting about their day with their mom’s. One of the worst feelings.

It’s the empty hole in your body you feel when you wake up on Mother’s Day. You stay under the covers a little longer, you brace yourself for how you are going to get out of bed and get through the day. You feel empty and numb that this entire day is going to be a reminder that your mom is not here.

It’s the grief stricken feeling you get when you leave the house on this day and everywhere you go you see people and their mothers. You notice it more than ever. Every place you walk into it's like a parade of daughters and sons with their mothers. You feel like you are grieving all over again.

It's the feeling of loneliness. The feeling that nobody understands the emptiness you are feeling today. The feeling that nobody can relate.
It's a feeling no person could explain unless they too have to spend this day without their mom.